For a Friend

Was out of words, but then, caught out of breath.

You might think you lost yourself, but the truth is that she was always there. You will be fighting her your entire life - she lives in your veins. There is never any "new you" or "old you" or "reinvented you". There is just you. You and the trough and the peak and the hammer and the nail. You slamming yourself into walls, just because she wants a show.

And the only thing you can hope for - the most beautiful thing you will ever experience while you are alive for such a short time to experience it - is a friend and lover who will stand by your side to help keep that demon bitch at bay. If you lose that, if you willingly walk away from that, she will have her way with you.

You aren't the only one to ever have had this moment of questioning. Are we better off on our own? Are we stronger and safer on a solo journey? Can we protect others if we just get out of town and save them the hassle? Trust me, I've been there, and many - MANY - of my dear friends have been there. This comes from the deepest part of me. I've hardly believed in anything more than THIS.

When you have it, don't let the fear vanquish it. When you finally experience it, don't later wonder if it is just a matter of dust and feathers. Don't let clouded vision take away your gold. GOLD. Because once the gold is gone and the light goes out - she'll be laughing at you.

Blind the bitch with love and determination. Don't allow her to sully your beautiful home.