La Luz de Mi Vida

Buzz has heard the words, "When I went to Spain..." so many times in our life together, surely at this point he cringes. I often recount the tale of my trip to Spain (which occurred almost ten years ago, right after we had met and started dating) in a way that makes it out to be one of the most profound moments in my life. Maybe because it was.

Traveling, for me, was the most amazing adventure you could ever have. Every destination held something sacred... newness and the potential for anonymous incidents of art and romance. Different cultures, foods, architecture... all adding to your life as if your existence is shaped like a puzzle of the globe and every new place welcomes you to retrieve it.

However, up until that trip I had never flown before. I have an intense fear of flying, and I mean... INTENSE. My life had always been defined by this particular handicap, and it meant that there were very few options for me to travel overseas. But this trip was special: it was subsidized by my honors program in college and would not cost me very much, and it was timed coincidentally with my divorce from my first husband. I hopped on that plane with hesitation, yes... but also determination to start over.

The take off was tough, and I was terrified for quite some time. Eventually I had a glass of wine and trailed off to sleep. At some point, I woke up and people were standing up, looking out the windows. Immediately my heart started pounding... there was an eerie light in cabin... what were they looking at??? What had happened???

I leaned way over, out of my seat (too afraid to unbuckle my seatbelt) and asked another passenger, "What's going on?" and she smiled and said, "They are all looking at the beautiful sunrise," and gestured for me to come closer. I unbuckled my belt and clumsily made my way to her window seat and looked out. Instantly, my eyes were accosted by the brightest pink glowing light I've ever seen... we were flying over a perfect blanket of hot-pink clouds that covered the entire sky from horizon to horizon. I smiled. The pace of my heartbeat slowed. The passenger smiled. The entire cabin united in that moment of awe. We were one.

When I returned from that trip, I was a changed person. I had come to terms with the ending of my previous marriage, and I was ready to move forward with my new love and hoped for the very best from that blossoming relationship. I wanted to be stronger and less afraid.

Since then, I've flown thousands of miles, to many different destinations. And even though I am still afraid (oh trust me, glasses of wine are still consumed) I get on the plane and I go anyway. Because the fear is nothing... NOTHING compared to the love in my heart and the light of my life, sitting next to me. My then "blossoming relationship" became a fully functioning I'm-still-madly-in-love-with-you-after-all-these-years marriage, and new adventures await us both if we can face our fears together.

Just ask Eugene: if you can, you simply have to fly.